White House Commission On Remembrance > Moment of Remembrance

As we remember our fallen heroes, our hearts go out to those who can never forget - the families they left behind. People whose wounds are still fresh 20, 40, and 50 years later. For those of us who have not lived it, it is hard to imagine what it must be like: seeing—with shock and puzzlement and dread—a uniformed officer and a chaplain approach the front door, hearing them express the deep sorrow and gratitude of the United States, saying "We regret to inform you…"

Do not think in terms of thousands of causalties, but think of it in terms of one. Because each casualty was someone's loved one.

At the end of any war, the image of a jubilant country dancing and flag-waving in Times Square is vastly different from that of a widow and her children who must face the rest of their lives without a husband and a father.

Abraham Lincoln's Letter to Lydia Bixby

In the fall of 1864, President Lincoln was informed that a Boston widow, Lydia Bixby, had lost five sons in the Civil War. These are the words of the beautiful letter President Lincoln wrote to the woman:

Executive Mansion
Washington, Nov. 21, 1864

To Mrs. Bixby, Boston, Mass.
Dear Madam,

I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts, that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle.

I feel how weak and fruitless must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save.

I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours, to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of Freedom.

Yours very sincerely and respectfully
A. Lincoln